B3

By D.C. Butterfield

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Did you know that a "cold reading" is what palm readers, psychics, carnival folk, fortune tellers, stand-up comics, and, columnists use to "gauge the crowd"! Looking for unwritten signs of class and culture! Because, most of us read what we want to read, rather than what is written! People are usually more like one another than unlike! Like one another vs another one like! Take now those Animal Rights folk! Do you suppose even one of them would refuse "a cure" just because the doctor told them that monkeys were used for research guinea pigs(No pun intended!)! Me, I never was a marble-sac type of guy! The time I took up weight-lifting it was just three years until I was rolling up my T-shirt sleeves, although T-shirts never were my strong suit (No pun intended!)! Shades of - How many stairs must a man fall down! Then - Elton John! Would you really want your son or grandson to be an Elton John! Think about it! I'm reminded of the transvestites prayer - I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to!!! Grab that Red Green! Taberduker! I may never be a proverbial Poster Boy, but I do use Dareol, the root touch-up for men! And, I once volunteered a stint for Halibuts for Humanity, and learned that shad are a deep-bodied herring and hake are closely related to cod! Did I hear, "Red herring!" Like looking for a lovely good-one-side construction grade fir plywood natural grained finish sheet! A hundred bucks - a Texas penny! Like viewing the ultra-movie ‘Cold Hands Luke' for the third time! How am I feeling - "Just cryptogamous! Haven't felt better since I suddenly grasped the true value of the classic algebra "quadratic equation" in my second year of grade nine!" I can still see Miss. McIn---- looking at me and obviously thinking - "a natural, with raw talent"! I began to think of my Carleton as a "veritable boom-County"! Then, as Johnny Rivers put it, "I fell in with bad companions!" and ended up in a Codependency House where I gleamed that our pioneers put up with a lot of "unsettled" weather! (No pun intended!) Me too! Shades of "the rejected knowledge of The Golden Dawn" set! The 1812 Underscore! Cold Reading! Cause and Effect! A single cause might account for a variety of apparent effects! Similarly - the plural! However, synchronicity - the simultaneous occurrence of certain things with one or more external events which appear as meaningful parallels to the effected momentary state! From ‘The Golden Bough' - "... like produces like, or an effect resembles it's cause ... things that have once been in contact with each other continue to act on each other at a distance after the physical contact has been severed"! What would a "Joker" like me know!

Joker

Well, he'd always been the "black sheep"

The proverbial "bad case"

He never seemed to "wear the halo"

Just a "joker" - not an "ace",

They played together like "blood-brothers"

And had even took a vow

They'd never "tattle" on each other

No where, no when - no how,

But now he was "a reg'lar hero"

A "star" beyond a doubt

His pal went in the water

And he had pulled him out,

They "guessed" he might have fallen

Or, maybe done it on "a dare"

For sure, he was a lucky feller

A darn good thing his friend was there,

Yes sir, it was a "close call"

And one of them had nearly drowned

He couldn't say just how he'd done it

Or where his strength was found,

They even voted him a medal

And everyone was plenty proud

They held a special ceremony

With him the center of the crowd,

Just as they pinned it on him

I caught ... that silly grin

And I knew, I knew, I knew for sure

It was his fault in the first place

Because - he's the one who pushed him in!

D.C. Butterfield

***

That one's for Maxine! Hope she likes it! Then, I see thay've finally tore the old garage down, can the Dresse Shoppe sign be far behind! Then too, if you're going on a Sabbath Day's journey nowadays, it's "how many km's to the dollar" you got to figure, not km's to the gallon! On a Cold Reading I'd say that for most of us it's the proverbial "drama of the rationalist suffocating in the dusty room of his personal consciousness, caught in the vicious circle of futility"! May as well be playing a little (No pun intended!) miniature-hockey! Almost as large a "difficulty-level" as learning to harmonize on the electronic 7-hole flute! The only worse way to pass the day would be two more episodes of ‘The Tudors' or ‘The Simpsons' ending with "to be continued"! Incommoding me? Reminds me of my friend and his ghost! I says, "It must of been your imagination!" He says, "No way, it was the real (No pun intended!) thing!" Taberduker! Indonasian Blue, nope, Old English Blend black! ‘Pon my soul! Shades of "The man with the axe and one-eyed jacks"! And, my artist friend told me, "That horse is "stylized"!"I guess a funny horse needs a funny name, but I prefer Blaze or Star or even Dobbin! And too, $250, to "fix" a cat! C'mon, my uncle would neuter a whole litter of little piggies and a couple of calf's in about twenty minutes, and all us kids watchin' - and learnin'!

***

Anways, even though I may eventually lose my mail-box, I do think that our rural mailmen/folk deserve a tad of a fuel supplement due to the high cost of petrol needed to do their deliveries! They do do a nice job! Prices rose too quick for "pedal and stick" planning! But, 105 km speed-limiters for big trucks, definitely not needed! Shades of vegetarian stir-stiks!Do I hear - One size fits all - except me! Then, why would Israel set 5 live prisoners lose, including a child-killer, to get 2 dead bodies back! I don't understand! On that preposterous note, this peripatetic columnist nears the end of this almost numinous and partly puerile essay! Philippus Aureolus Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenhein (His actual name!) wrote, "Let me tell you this, every little hair knows more than you and all your scribes, and my shoebuckles are more learned than your Galen and Avivenma, and my beard has more experience than all your high colleges." Kind of stuck-up wasn't he! Taberduker! Not me! Like ... not since the invention of the ball-point pen ...!

***

Have Pen - Will Write