The Go To Guy!

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Did you know that an "expert" around here is usually some so-and-so from out of town carrying a briefcase! A motley sort of "tall towers tell-us ‘er"! Maybe that's why we have our indifferences! Some of the stuff they say/write leaves me completely gaserflasted! Like, a "one of the big boys" wrote of the Confederation Bridge, "links Prince Edward Island to the Canadian mainland, via New Brunswick." ‘Pon my soul! And here I was a thinkin, that we're part of the "mainland"! Think about it! Taberduker! Shades of "ambition, founded in greed, can be blind to ..."! Maybe we need a "vinegar intermission" about now! This is why I keep trying to be "the go to guy" for hereabouts! Admittedly, I'm not a "biotic man", and admittedly, some folk seem to have the idea that I was a "test bloob" baby! One ole gal smirked, "When your mother visited the gynecologist the Doc might have checked her I.D. but not her I.U.D.!" In "her" case, I suppose she can always blame her "situational short-comings" on the very life-like ‘Weeny-Whiney' doll she got when she was only three, and too young to understand, since it was intended for Ages 10 and Up!"

Another suggested that I once "handled the truth with penurious frugality"! Like, "That scarecrow sure looks real!" "Yeah, well her husband owed me a tidy sum when she passed, and we agreed to as to how it could be worked off, so to speak!" Still another implied that I was "an outstanding example of genetic decay"! Anger only improves the arch of a cat's back! Ineffably copacetic! Gimme a pill! Those who live in sand castles should avoid sprinkler systems, or, being "the go to guy"! And, never go to the beach without sand-blocker! Gimme a break! The late Mrs. Frankenstein - "That's all you ever do, frig around with that horrible thing! Just what do you think you're gonna do with "Mr. Monster!" if you ever finish him!" His pathologist suggests it all started when he got his anatomically correct post-mortem Teddy-Bear! Taberduker! You know, Mr. Deere was always trying his level best to teach his son John, who was a tad green, to combine wheat "with" the grain! When John got old enough, he joined the Cub-Cadet club! That's why, when I get so frustrated from being ‘the go to guy" that I go up Tobique, where according to my buddy "Wild Bill ‘T' McQue" one can almost hear the silence!

Hear The Silence

You could almost hear the silence

As the river moved us on

In the way the west wind whispered

And in the season's sultry song,

All the chickadees were quiet

And the bluejays too were still

No sound came from the eagle

In the dead-wood on the hill,

A young moose made a crossing

Too far ahead to hear

And standing in the shadows

Was a noiseless white-tailed deer,

Some downy ducks were drifting

In the stillness of the air

A few lazy flies were circling

Two geese gliding as a pair,

Thus we coasted with the current

and a paddle's softened swish

You could almost hear the silence

Broken only by a fish,

You could almost hear the silence

There beyond all trace of town

You could almost hear the silence

Up the Tobique ... coming down!

D.C. Butterfield

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Meanwhile down at Joes I was talking to the boys from out to Ataway about being "the go to guy"! Gus - "Sometimes we all need a bit of "benign guidance" to get us through!" Harley - "I think your greatest fear is that all humanity will be wiped out by an asteroid before you become rich and famous!" Max - "You're a time-bomb" with a Mickey-Mouse mechanism, and you could "blow-up" almost anytime!" Man alive, you could almost hear the silence! Finally I proffered, "Well now, for some 25 years I sailed along aboard the good ship Pequod dedicating my life to curtailing evildoer's and upholding the forces of law and order!" Grase - "assault and battery" reminds me of Sifto and Delco!" Kitty - "Stay out of the deep end of the bathtub!" But Theodora had the unkindest cut of all - "You've just been reading too many mystery novels like Dickie Diamonds detective thriller ‘Made In China' and watching too many mushy movies like the Candid Corps soft-core classic ‘Maid In China'!" I mean, I knew that the flushes in the toilet section were ‘For Display Purposes Only'! I knew that! Taberduker! In football, when in doubt - punt! In life, when in doubt - point!

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Anyways, I finally figured it out, and got me a non-functional cellphone, and whenever I want to turn my back on someone I just say, "Oh oh, my cellphone is sending me a shivering signal! Gotta go!" Though sometimes I get the proverbial ‘bad-eye"! Always be a grammarian and mind your "Q's" and "P's" as in plaque vs plague! Mark my words! And, I read where Sen. Olympia J. Snowe (R - Maine) has introduced a ‘Truthful Reliable Understanding of Consumer Costs Act'! To be truthful, I don't understand! Then, Father's Day, and I got another dozen grass-green golf balls! I'll be genuflecting on that! Then too, I saw a Black-bellied Baltimore Oreo this morning, and that lifted my spirits! And, although I don't know what a "calabogus" is, I do know what a "Mobrus" is! It's my molly!

And too, do I buy a car at 0% (Even though there's no such deal!) right then and there or do I buy it at 6.25% for 60 months! A real "conflict of interest"! Was: Gold Card! Is: Platinum Card! Will be: Corn Card! That's a fact! Shades of, "What's in your wallet!" In mine, not much left, or I'd be going to the Global Glue Gathering in Glimby, to watch the dry-fast, quasi-quik, instant-intact, maxi-multi, fix-fast, and serious-setting competitions! My pet-peeve, vacationers who smugly smile insinuatingly and ask, "Are you still working at ...!" As in, "How'd you get that black-eye?" "It was a non-verbal response!" I'm not in the "Too cozy and dally" set, or the "T-cosie and doily" set! Me - "The go to guy!" Guilty as charged!

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Have Pen - Will Write.