B3

By: D.C. Butterfield

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Did you know that when I asked the old-timer why he was the way he was he snorted, "Just being myself!" That's the way it is! The other day I came across my "Radiusometer" that I used to use down at "the Creek" to check for the "100 mile radius" distances, and it reminded me of one collegue who was never cordial towards me! He'd act like a real A-hole whenever he could, especially if I was assigned to "ride" with him! No equality about it at all! However, when I retired I was driving "his mobile", solo a lot of the time - and, he was, I suspect, suspended! Life's like that! Looking back, he was just being himself, and I was just being myself!

I once worked at a Lincoln/Ford/Mercury dealership HQ'd in Woodstock and I told a salesman friend where he could quite probably sell a new Lincoln! To make a long story short, that sale eventually went through, to a dealer in Moncton. A bit later I told him about another good possibility on another Lincoln. That sale went through also, to a dealer in Halifax! I asked about these two sale losses, because it isn't everyday that someone wants to purchase a new Lincoln!

Well, he told me, in all honesty, the owner didn't think I'd actually be acquainted with folk who could afford to drive Lincolns! He was just being himself, and I was just being myself! ‘Pon my soul! I felt like saying, "Yes, Virginia, there is a -----!" Taberduker! Ineffatably copacetic!

Then, them dandelion diggers, seems every year there's a new hooker, clawer, grabber, or digger out - for anywhere from $20 to $40! All essentially useless! I mean, did you ever actually try to dig out a dandelion - roots and all! Think about it! You'd be much better off to bend your back and pick them one by one before they go to seed! Shades of "Blisterine" for the hands!

Which reminds me that Dalmatia used to be a region in western Yugoslavia! Near the land of vampires! Which reminds me, in turn, of demonic characters, and demonic rhythms! Not to be confused with demotic characters, which appear in simplified hieratic writing, and their demotic ryhthms! Not to be confused, in turn, with heretic characters and/or heraldic characters with their heraldic characteristics, and/or heir-attic characters! Then too, don't confuse a rosarian with a Rosicrucian! Like the feller who survives by being the proverbial "one cut above", I subsist by just being myself!

One Cut Above

Thread-bare blue denim

Rolled twice at the cuff

Stuck down in his work boots

Well-worn - good enough,

Steel-toed for the job site

Loose laces aside

Two top eyes left open

Almost dragging, untied,

Wool socks, not quite showing

Hand knitted, perhaps

Clean cotton checked shirt

With faux-pearl snaps,

Jack-knife - front pocket

Black wallet - left hip

Brass ‘Harley' belt buckle

And leather change-clip,

His ball cap says CAT

And his day-stubble jaw

Seems a match for his makeup

And his plaid mackinaw,

All "back-bone" and "belled bull"

And he keeps it together

On grunt, grit, and coffee

With no need to ask "whether ...",

He goes his own way

And he makes no demands

He does his own thing

With his big calloused hands,

By his "creed" and "credentials"

He's "bang-on" - not ‘bluff"

Though he's not "hoity-toity"

Well ... he's "one cut above"!

D.C. Butterfield

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In the April 1987 issue of the ‘Star' I noticed a story about ‘The Woman Who Says She's Elvis' Love Child'! She was then 28 and her mother was 53! She was Desiree Romaine Presley and her mother was Lucy de Barbin! That was 21 years ago, and I wondered "What if ...!" And - that's my ‘What if!'

Then, speaking of coffee, it seems the new "buzz word ingredient" for getting a cheap buzz (No pun intended!) is caffeine, or, more particularly, "more" caffeine, although it's certainly not "cheap"! Caffeine - nervous system stimulent! Caffeinism - chronic toxicity from excessive caffeine intake! Not actually an energizer for increased energy! Not an N'er G drink at all! You're better off drinking water! Taberduker!

But I read in RD, "But no one should think bottled water is better regulated, better protected or safer than tap." And, "Most people are surprised to learn they're drinking glorified tap water." And too, "You're spending more per litre than you would on gasoline for this thing that you can get out of the tap, virtually for free." Think about it! I even saw a documentary about it on WRAP-TV! Wrapped it up for me!

Then too, I read where Bristol and Florenceville have amalgamated into Florenceville-Bristol! Shades of Perth-Andover! Why not make a clean cut, and move onward to Florencetol or Brisville, or Perover or Andoth! Or, better yet, some nice sounding new name altogether (No pun intended!)! Bath and Beechwood could become Bathwood, since since 911 came in half of Bath is now in Beechwood anyways! Plaster Rock and Riley Brook could become Plaster Brook, or Riley Rock! And so on ...

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Meanwhile down at Joes I was talking to the boys from out to Ataway about them "small" cars! Is "small" really too slow for our roads! Well, there's a move to put 105 limiters on trucks! Them doubled up 53 foot trailer units are relegated to the TCH, so just relegate small cars off the TCH. I can drive from Kilburn to P-A at 50 kms/hr! I do now, sometimes, when I feel like "just being myself"! Or, if there's a "follower" behind me who won't pass regardless but I know their frustration level is much more than "one cut above"! Taberduker! Like, that stretch of road ain't fit to drive any faster on, if you want to dodge the holes, cracks, and bumps! Then, them "resin chairs" - how come the surface goes all powdery ‘bout the second year so's ya can't sit on then without getting your clothes covered, so's the other-half exects ya to spring for new one's! Planned obsolesence!

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Anyways - did you know! Who knew! Did anyone know! Now you do, too! Because, I'm very careful, and I always try to do everything possible to protect my ... readers! Just being myself! This is always an ‘Open All Night' sort of column! Remember - Rule #18 - Finish what you start!

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Have Pen - Will Write.