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speakup

Did you know that I'm just about ready to join the Foreign Legion, the French Foreign Legion, of France! It's just that there's so much flak lately over things I think, say, and/or write! I don't ‘do' anything clandestinely! Nobody seems to appreciate my perspicacity - my keenness of mental perception and discernment - my insight! They keep confusing "science" - knowledge gained by systematic study, with "nescience" - lack of knowledge! Why, I'm nearly a nervous wreck, and/or wrek and/or rek - heart trouble and dropsy, narcolepsy and cataplexy! Shades of a narc-complex! Column City!!! There's a better way to feel young???

Besides, I really love their marching tune, "Here's the blood sausage, the blood sausage, the blood sausage. For the Alsatians, the Swiss and the Lorraines! There's none left for the Belgians ‘cause they're shirkers." Catchy, ain't it! But, notice that the French version says "blood" while the English version, if there was one, would say "bloody"! I learned that - without immersion! This band of mercenaries was founded by King Louis Philippe in 1831. Only 177 years ago! Their famous motto is ‘Legio Patria Nostra'! Nostalgic, ain't it! Taberduker! My (famous) motto! Besides too, I'm in great shape, a regular sylph, metamorpically speaking! And another thing, I read where, "B.C. has become the first province to adopt a carbon tax, which will add over eight cents a litre to the cost of diesel fuel." First Province! Can NB and/or gasoline be far behind!

NB, nota bene, take note - that it should be N.B.! I want to join up and go over there and kick some oil-ass! Don't let ‘em raise the price of a barrel another "red cent"! I'm "seeing red"! It's getting so's I can hardly afford my simple Sunday treat - a couple (plain even) doughnuts with my Molly! "Day-old" be darned! I'm not afraid of hematopoiesis, or, hematopoietic even! So there! Then, the ‘Most Intelligent Community In The World' hereabouts? Easy, it's -------! Since this is a multi-community distribulate, I cannot reveal the actual name puplicationally! However, the ‘Most Intelligent Column In The World'? Too easy, it's --- --- ----! Shades of "You can get (read) anything you want at (in) Alice In Wonderland's restaurant (column)! Like at Eisener and Brentwood - (we) must be going the right way! You're getting "the whole cheese", straight from "the knotty outlaw"!

Knotty Outlaw

I was born to the sound of the clickety-clack

Of an outbound train passing Muniac

On the tracks along the river, down below the "bluff"

Forced to be "foxy" and raised to be tough,

December 13, and Friday, for my sign

A hard read to reckon, too "darned" to define

I'm taken for granted and I'm misunderstood

I'm often out of line, but I always mean good,

I'll never be a hero, or the ultimate goal

The shining example, or the outstanding role

I've never been a Sir, an Honor, or a Pastor

A little mixed up - but I've never had a Master,

Well, I just didn't listen, so it's all too plain

Why I'm standing on this shoulder, hitch-hiking in the rain!

A Cadillac cruised past me, a "hot-shot" and his wheels

I bet he's never had it rough, or knows how hungry feels

I'm out here and it's lonesome, where friends are hard to find

Wishing for a welcome mat, my homestead on my mind,

Now, life ain't a picnic, when you're waiting all alone

Drifting in the drizzle, and busted to the bone

I know because I've been there; done for, down and out

I know what "pick yourself up" means, and "hard times" are about,

Just then I saw a flatbed, pulled by a Henri-built

I made myself look miserable, playing to a sense of guilt

Nothing ever sounded better, when it began to brake

As them windshield wipers whipping, or the rumble of the "Jake",

"I'm the Kilburn Outlaw, and they call me D.C.

I'm not quite as knotty, as a pitch-pine tree!"

Now - I'm back out in the weather, I had a story - but

Sometimes it's be better, if I kept my (big) mouth shut!

D.C. Butterfield

**************

Meanwhile down at Joes, instead of keeping my (big) mouth shut, I was talking to the boys from out to Ataway and tellin' ‘em that that there "Knotty Outlaw" is for all the Monquarters and Tobiquers who've "gone West" and didn't strike it rich, but had to almost literally hitch-hike "home"! I've been there too! It's a long ways from Tuktoyaktuk to Beechwood! We even got a little "misty" there for a minute! Please pass the kleenex!

Then, just to show-off my "perspicacity" I got to trying to explain to them how a morphologist is one who works in morphology! Not to be confused with morphonology, or, morphophonology and/or morphophonemics (Also called morphophonemes!), where a morphophoneme is an abstract phonological unit representing corresponding phonemes in different allomorphs of one morphene! Taberduker!

Seeing that they clearly didn't "get it", I went on to explain further that "Hapology" is "not" the study of happiness, but "is" instead, by example, the substitution of morphonemic for morphophophonemic! They suggested, unanimously, that I go join the Foreign Legion, the French Foreign Legion, and go off to fight somewhere in a far corner of the earth, and never return! Of course, they were only kidding!!! Weren't they!

**************

Anyways, who else but me would have the discernment, while dining at Burger Junkyard, to take note (NB) that a simple burger, with one hamburger patty cost $4.59, while a double-burger with two such meat patties cost $5.49 - an extra $.90 for that second "slice", and, a triple burger cost another extra extra $1.30 for the third patty for a grand total of $6.79! Those two, together, patties cost a whopping $2.20 more! Taberduker! Think about it! So, I'm figuring that the first hunk of meat only cost ‘em about $.50! Fifty-red cents! There you have it! Columnology at it's best! The proof of the (Foreign Legion!)(Blood!) pudding (Sausage!) is in the eating (Reading!)! Here's the blood sausage ...!

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Have Pen - Will Write.